.bluenailsonamonday.

the love

2011-05-10T23:48:00.002+08:00

it has been almost a year since i last signed in. oh yes, don't you know me already, i'm just super duper lazy. what can i say.. :p

nothing much changed. the heart still choose to hold on to the love that has been long gone or better yet said, SCRAPED OFF FOREVER. to make things clear, it's not the love. it's the hmm... how should i put this... the future?

nevertheless, time gave me the chance to meet more people and get my ass off the seat to interesting experiences. well, why not right? now, there's definitely more stories to tell, but i choose to not tell. oh geez, as if there's anyone reading this. aha.. i know.

oh love love love love.. love love love.. what more can i say to the one thing that made me who i am today. love.

time flies.. slowly

2010-06-03T03:46:00.003+08:00

the ups and downs apparently haven't really ended yet. yet. really really thought that it all ended that particular day. urgh. this feeling is shitty. honestly, i can't even say for sure this time that things will eventually pass. i'll be counting days till that day when i wake up thinking what to wear instead of what he's doing or is he up yet or did he sleep well or was he doing anything before bed. the vow. when till it'll be broken? i wish i can know. but if so, will i be okay? oh love, why can't you be easy, why can't you be the-right-thing-to-do.

counting days: day 5.

mungkin

2010-03-08T01:23:00.002+08:00

fell in love with the guy who sang this at the ranch.. he dedicated it to me! *excited* i love his voice and the way he sang this song!! *clap clap*

lerv

2010-03-01T02:47:00.000+08:00

... That's what he calls me. It ended, just. Not that we hate each other, no. We love, we care and want to be together. We just can't. Just one big stupid mistake, takes it all away. And at last, though in love, we have to be apart. So innocent is she that it's unfair to take him away. Love, if only we knew things would turn out this way, would you have done things differently? I miss you. );

Is that all you've got 2009?!

2009-12-21T22:36:00.003+08:00

it's the end of 2009. and from this year on, i'll try make a promise to post all the highlights of my year at every end of the year. why? coz the recent happenings of my life was really shitty and i think i should start count my blessings. if there's any. well, maybe i should start counting.

so here's for this year. 2009.

1. Jan 2009: (1) flew to KL for an interview by Mr. P. (2) a friend of mine got into an accident which happens to fall on her 'merisik' day. (3) visit her in Kuantan on the day i landed in KL.

2. Feb 2009: (1) got the final say from Mr. P. i was offered a job. fix pay. permanent. not really something i'm familiar with, scared that i might not be able to catch up with it. but i took it anyway. for the money. (2) got out of (then) current relationship. (3) got involved in a really complicated relationship (that was pretty dumb of me).

3. Mac 2009: (1) start my first day at Mr. P's tower after bout 3 weeks of induction. (2) learn bout something new - Marketing and Trading business (???).

4. Apr 2009: (1) getting to know more ppl in the company, getting involve in so many things as in the activities and all. nothing interesting. nothing much this month.

5. May 2009: (1) ...

6. Jun 2009: (1) start playing futsal for a competition. (2) getting involve in a competition by Mr. P punye company. (3) end stupid relationship. (4) start new relationship (not so stupid one).

7. July 2009: (1) had a weird and definitely unforgetable birthday present. coz i actually have to pay for it, then claim. (2) got really serious in it then crushed at the end of the month. really. (3) got my car. yea baby! (4) start loving jazz at Alexis.

8. Aug 2009: (1) celebrated his birthday, got myself a very nice dress. on him. (2) planned for Nepal.

9. Sept 2009: (1) went to Nepal. (2) Climb Annapurna Base Camp. Climb. (3) got into argument with him. big time.

10. Oct 2009: (1) reach Annapurna Base Camp. 4130m. yes! (2) got admitted. (3) forced cash out of myself to pay deposit for new house. (4) ended relationship.

11. Nov 2009: (1) got into a stupid argument to stand my ground. still am. (2) forced cash out of myself to pay deposit for new house. (3) found out i have Costochondritis. shitty.

12. Dec 2009: (1) got conned. i lost RM1.1k after paying the deposit of my (kononnye) new place. (2) in debt. (3) have evil ideas of doing evil things to Mr. Sau (he's the house owner). (4) oh.. got my new Blackberry for free.

and of coz, i get to know lotsa new ppl along the way. that, i can't count. the number of ppl i gotta know, that's blessings.. erm.. of coz only those who's been nice to me. that's the only ones i count. but still, again, it's not possible for me to list out one by one, each person who have made a difference in me. there's so many names coming through my mind right now, let's just let it be there.

really now.

i'm done with this list and i can't help thinking how blessed my life is. it's weird when i still have that 'tak puas hati' feeling coz i got conned.

one big lesson learn this year: never trust anyone. even if he/she looks harmless.

oh and, money IS actually EVERYTHING. trust me. or maybe not (see above).

there's about less than 10 days to go. is there anything more you'd like to offer me 2009? come on.. is that all you've got???

**to be edited from time to time.

what's new?

2009-10-30T02:25:00.003+08:00

i bought myself a car. it's white, spacious, auto ;) and i'm loving the about-45-minutes drive to and from work.
i went to Nepal (as you can already see in my previous post).
i was admitted for minor infection and inflammation of soft ribs bone, probably something i got from the trip.
i'm handling benzene shipment now (work related, don't bother asking/trying to understand).
haven't been reading much lately, but subscribed Reader's Digest. loving the free gifts.
realized that my circle of friends are closing in really fast. not so good.
easily irritated lately.
found a new place to stay. moving in mid Dec and probably will be celebrating Christmas there. really really excited. it's a house. house. i won't have to deal with parking problems, guards, mean people at lifts, waiting for the lift, and i can have BBQs and friends can smoke anywhere. LOL.
found a new and expensive hobby: traveling.
have a list of things i have to buy and all items are more than RM500. oh man..

ABC ain't that easy

2009-10-30T01:55:00.004+08:00

after.. months?

let's start with this, i went to Nepal. trek all the way up Annapurna Base Camp. i was 4130m higher on the 1st October 2009! yeah!

went with Nadia and Aiman. took us 9 days to trek all the way to the base camp. mentally challenged by the up-down-up-again trails. yeah, it was shitty. but then again, totally 100% worth it. and i have this to post!Love it! :)

Long Break

2009-05-17T06:11:00.002+08:00

It has been a while since I've updated anything on this page. Evan has been asking when I'll put more things on.

I just can't be bothered anymore since I've start working. I don't even have time for myself. But then, maybe (MAYBE) after today I'll make it an afford to update anything interesting here. so for now, since the last time I wrote anything on this, here's some of the interesting moments in my life. LOL

I've learn how to solve a Rubik's cube.
I got myself a Canon IXUS camera. Coolest thing ever!
Oh yes, I have a job now.
I had 2 awesome weekends. will upload pics on that later.
Joined the company's badminton tournament and our team got 2nd! I played women doubles, 3 games - won 1, draw 1 and lose 1. LOL. And one more thing, I twisted my ankle at the first game. Darnest!!
i can't think of any anymore.

well that's about it for now i guess. i'll write more later! nak tido dah!!!

pause

2009-02-09T18:41:00.002+08:00

Mr. Lappy is still not with me for the moment. i've moved to my new room, and the only entertainment i have is my iPod and a book. yep, i'm back to reading. thanks to Soph for dragging me to MPH and register for a member card. starting from March, i promise (erm..) i'll read at least 2 books per month. slow2 la start kan.. ;)

Mr. 15's reading this? hehe...

so besides reading and going out with Soph for lunch and/or dinner, i sleep. and oh, i got a new hobby which i share with Soph. window shopping - furnitures. we've been going to a bunch of furniture store looking and browsing through all kinds of furnitures and surveying the price. of course, ada la berangan-angan wanna buy but maybe one day.. one day (nak sedapkan hati masing2). i just can't wait for my first pay, or my first credit card!!

my room is empty. only my super awesome comfortable bed. that's it. i need a 2 panel curtain, tv cabinet, an at least 20 inch flat screen HD TV (heee...), wardrobe, dressing table, bookshelves cum room partition, wooden hanger set, towel rail, new ceiling lights, air purifier, install Astro and maybe an air-conditioner. OMG!! can i afford all this. my taste is getting higher. i need someone i can blame it on. ;p who did this to me? oh and a dvd rack! and i want all this things to be in white, or red, or black. i still can't decide. maybe white. so i'm forced to do cleaning every week!

oh.. i need MONEY!!

damn...

bosan. go-cart tak jadi. went furniture shopping with Soph. oh did i tell u i got another comforter? it is ssssoooooooooooooooooo comfortable. i love my bed. and oh, i need a divan without the headboard. i have my room designed. i'll post some pictures when i get it all done. i will!!!

i will...

Sultan Hogbo and a day in TTMC

2009-02-05T15:28:00.004+08:00

it's a mattress. so so soft, so bouncy, think, big, cooling, masih bau cina. hahaha! got it from IKEA at a very reasonable price. can u see me smiling? ;)

it finally reached my room at noon today. soph was with me. the first thing she did, lay it down and get on it. haha! she love it. i love it more! i'm really gonna have a hard time getting up for work with it cuddling me every night, and days on weekends of course. now people, don't blame me if i don't wanna get out of bed on a Sunday morning. seriously.

bout the bed, it's Sultan Ho(with double dot, can't figure out how to put it there and i just couldn't care less)gbo spring mattress, dark grey. has extra wadding (no idea what that means but i think it adds to the comfort) coz it says, 'extra wadding adds comfort'. Bonell springs constructed to allow air to flow freely giving the pleasant sleeping climate. pleasure all night long. ;p i wanted queen size but since double size being only 17cm smaller and RM100 cheaper then a queen size bed, i bought double size. i'm gonna be sleeping there, terkangkang2 air luir basi meleleh the whole day, and most of the nights alone, so doesn't make any difference anyway. not that i mind sleeping alone since it's gonna be on the most comfortable bed fitted with the soft touch of my new sheets... nah... i rather enjoy it alone. if u know what i mean. hehehe...

today is gonna be the last day, me tumpang-ing soph's room. we both need the privacy anyway. i know she can't wait for me to move. so do i. haha! that bed bugs soph!! uh... maybe later, when i have the energy and mood to pack my stuffs then i'll officially move to my new room which i single handed-ly scrub the floor with a piece of cloth this morning. rajin kan???

nanti dah move in, the first thing i'm gonna do is, wrap my Sultan with the new Aussino mattress pad which again i got as a present. uhhh!! best best!! but yang tak best nyer, my sheets are still in the laundry, with my comforter and my towels. guess the bad pad is comfy enough till Saturday. ;) i haven't decided on the wardrobe and the dressing table and the (kononnya) working desk and the tv cabinet. still thinking and budgeting for now. kinda blew out all the cash on the mattress and sheets. well, i'm gonna be on it more than all the other stuff anyway la kan? so why not. besides, who wouldn't want a nice place to rest after a hectic day at work. agree?

oh yea, i need a shoe rack too.. oh and btw, viv n ayu, u'r always welcome. but wait till i get the room done then i'll let u know ;)

oh, yesterday was one of the most weirdest day of my life. i went to Twin Towers Medical Centre for a check up. requirements before joining Mr P. u all know that already. anyway, the weirdest most freaky part was the urine test. the nurse actually stood in the toilet as i was doing my business. i know it's a part of the rules and regulation or requirements or whatsoever, so that i won't forge my urine sample. but, dude!! it was soooooo weird peeing in the toilet with a stranger!!! the only thing that separates us was a glass partition. i had a hard time peeing okay! and when i've done filling the bottle, i still gotta finish, she waited. urgh!!!

then there's the 'where's ur veins' situation. i had this problem before when doctors wanna get my blood for their daily breakfast. haha! blood sample. they tied me up the first time, i mean my arm je la, then start slapping the inner part of my elbow (tmpt amek darah tu) few times, still couldn't see or feel anything. they sent me out for a while, then asked me to come back in. the doctor herself had to do it. my fingers almost turned blue, then she found it. i didn't watch the part when the put the needle in. though i have no problem looking at my belly button been poked through, i really can't enjoy the pain of needles in hospitals/clinic.

basically, the whole check up, i kantoi my hearing test, my lung test and they had a hard time taking a sample of my blood, i had a hard time giving them a sample of my urine, i weigh 61kg (yes, i'm gaining weight) and 160cm short, was pressed against the cold xray metal and yes, my nipples did get hard and it's not intentionally and they mark me as pregnant (what??!!) coz they said my last period was last month. note: i'm not pregnant, that's just how the whole check up thing goes coz my next period is next week. that's what the nurse told me la since i had that 'what?-i'm-not-pregnant!!' face when she told me. offended sikit coz i thought she said that coz she saw my tummy. hahahahahahahahaha! damn..

oh the conversation with the doctor.

Doc: do u smoke?
Me: erm.. yeesss?
Doc: how many per day?
Me: half a box..?
Doc: that's 10 sticks per day!
Me: box of 14... (cute smile)
Doc: don't lie..
Me: (cute smile again)
Doc: u drink?
Me: yes!
Doc: social drinker ah?
Me: ah huh.. heee...
Doc: exercise?
Me: yea..
Doc: how often?
Me: when i feel like i'm getting fatter.
Doc: (laugh out loud.. really!) that's not the right way u know.. (laugh again)
Me: i know. (cute smile)

funny friendly man. haha! checked my eyes, ears, mouth, heart, told me to lie down and start poking around my tummy, and told me this. "try to smoke smoking ah... ur tummy banyak angin ohh..."

hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahhahaha!! siot.

Single by Natasha Bedingfield

2009-02-02T02:28:00.001+08:00

Ah yeah that's right
All you single people out there
This is for you
Yeah

I'm not waiting around for a man to save me
('Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me... whole

Make your move if you want
Doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up
You either got it or you don't

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm trading places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single (Right now)
That's how I'm gonna be

Ah yeah uh huh that's right

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm trading places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single (Right now)
That's how I'm gonna be

I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single

Everything in it's right time everything in its right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way... it's my way
Yes I like it this way

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
'Til then I'm single

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm trading places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

cotton cotton cotton

2009-02-01T20:39:00.002+08:00

puas hati nyerrrr!!! hehe! i'm soooooo sooooooooooooooooo happy. although it may not be anything GREAT for some people but for me, aaahhh...

i went to Jusco in Sunway Piramid with Soph. she saw the SALE sign yesterday and told me, since i wanna shop for sheets for my new bed, to shop there. and so we went. i spent only bout RM275 on..

- 2 solid color 100% cotton, 250 thread count queen size sheets in brown and red.
- 1 pink/brown 100% cotton, 250 thread count queen size comforter.
- 2 cotton pillow with nano silver finished from Novelle Home.
- 2 micro cotton bath towels in red and pink.

uhhhhhh....!!! so so satisfied!

esok shop for bed and some other furnitures for the room. yes!

the new begining

2009-01-31T18:00:00.003+08:00

updates updates... some interesting and yet some less interesting things are happening in my life lately. i can't really say that everything is A ok but most of it are. ;p

first of all, i finally got THE job!! from Mr. P of coz. thank u thank u... after like almost 6 months i think, was under depression (well, not really considering the fun party poker nights in Miri) and so so frustrated that everyone else got something from Mr. P earlier than me, Thank God i finally secured a place in Mr. P's company. hehe! it ain't really what i was looking forward to, or what i've been learning bout either, but i guess i could do better in this side of the business. everything happens for a reason right? i believe so.. yep yep! and but then again, i'll only start on the 16th of February where i have to attend some brain washing session for bout 3 weeks i think, then i'll be that office chick (cheewahh...!!).

secondly, i bank in the deposit for my new room, brand new okay... at Sterling Condo, Kelana Jaya. superbly amazing most awesome luck to have a middle room with attached bathroom, with angle walls which i can think of many creative things to work with, and twinkling view of the city from the 18th floor. uuuhhhh!!! and guess what, i'm renting it for only RM400 per month. ain't that lucky??? i do think so considering the view, the room and the fact that i'm the first owner of THAT room! hooyeah!! and gosh i tell u, the condo area is i'll say, 4 stars, to me la. my friend said that's jus a 2 or 3 stars standard. but hell 'em, it's more than i ever expected! the pool is huge! there's a gym room, everything else is so near-by. i love it! i just love it!!

then there's a new addiction which i can't really talk about but we'll get there one day aite. ;p not sure how many people maybe judging that post IF and only IF i decided to post if out. but then, that thing, made life easier and more interesting.

oh and did i mention i got myself a new iPod shuffle. it's pink! ;p i know it only cost less then RM200 but that's like the most expensive present i've ever got from anyone, okay!! yep yep.. i'm happy and was smiling the whole day, the day i got it. hehe!

one the other side of the sun however, things didn't go so well. the so called perfect relationship ended. it wasn't anything bad. he's still a nice guy despite his confusion bout the future and all. can't really let it be blamed on him but, lets just say i wasn't expecting him to be doing such stuffs. no details ok. ;) all i can say, Love, it was too, my best year ever.

the whole period from convocation day up to today, i'm gratefull for having the chance to get to know some wonderful people. went to few parties and dinners. really really glad that i gotta chance to make new friends.

it has been a hell of a ride towards the end of 2008, but for this year, 2009, i can see shining things around me already and it's just the end of the first month! i'm glad that it's a good start this year. well, guess it should be a good year since it's my year! the year of the mighty OX!! hoooyeahhh!!

there's another 11 months through this year, and the ups and downs, will come by but one thing i promise myself, that i'll be happy all year round, not to dwell on any negetivity and to be grateful for all the blessings i got and will be getting throughout the year!

cheers!!

that urge

2009-01-06T01:10:00.002+08:00

urgh.. i hate it. that urge to do something that u know u'd love to do but u know u can't do coz it's bad but u really really want to but u know u just can't. u know that feelin'? irritating kan? it's like your brain already told u that it's bad and logically u know u shouldn't but your heart just says 'Go for it!'. then u're gonna be like.. should i follow my heart or my brain? haha! this thing i wanna do, i know it's bad and i know it's not gonna give me anything else but comfort, satisfaction and probably some interesting conversations which might end with something sooo messed up and soooo bloody wrong. LOL! but then again, at least it's there to make days and nights interesting and hard at the same time.

ps: tattoo of 2 cards - an Ace and a 7 of hearts. cool?

am i guilty?

2008-12-17T18:11:00.002+08:00

how would it be like if one day someone came up to u and tell u that because of u, his/her life has changed entirely? when all they could think of is u, all great pleasures in life can't be enjoyed because they kept comparing it to u or what it's like if u were apart of it. how would u feel?? will it make u feel guilty for making those decisions in the past? would it make u feel like crap?

all i could say is i'm sorry, but not once, not even after i know all this, will i regret what i did. i never regret anything in my past because i believe that there's always a reason to it. even tho u'd say that i should, and if i'm not that i'm a horrible person, i couldn't care less. coz i know, if i've done differently, i won't be here right now, knowing you, him, her and them. and for that, i am thankful enough for not having any regrets. ;)

Internetless

2008-12-17T18:02:00.002+08:00

so susah.. no internet at home :(
no updates soon. hopefully after New Years..

what i've been doin?
let's see.. club, club, drink, more clubs.. sleep eat and i go jogging jugak
eat sleep eat sleep
design the interior of my new home :) it was fun but tiring..
shopping, baking and then eat again..
hehe ;p
hang out at the beach taking poyo pictures.. well...
long phone conversations with sayang.. uh.. saya rindoo kamoo!!

so far, it has been fun and boring at the same time.
but still, appreciating every second of it.

it's going up now

2008-11-13T18:27:00.001+08:00

... is it? probably.. it's about time.. ;)

Am I too old???!!

2008-10-29T16:34:00.002+08:00

job hunting day.. went to a shopping mall. not really ready to be doing something in the professional world. ;p
so, i went and ask this one tiny gift shop.

'hi, mek mok apply k keja kosong ya (pointing to the vacancy notice)' (translation: hi, i wana apply for the job.)
she looked at me and say, 'sapa nok mok keja?' (who's the one applying?)
duhhhhhh~~!! didn't i said me?? 'kamek la..'
the 2 girls behind the counter looked at each other and gave me THE face. that face which said, can't you see how old you are. cis cis cis....!!! then they said, 'boss mek kat KK. try kol nombo sia la.' (my boss is in KK, try calling that number there laaa.)

sigh.. i think i went to all the shops with 'VACANCY' at their entrance. aaaaaa!!! and this 50 year old PC i'm using at the internet cafe here ain't helping my mood.

sigh.. again.. sigh..

He's the one..

2008-10-28T20:11:00.002+08:00

Not everyone's there through the bad times, but most of them are there through the good times. they stay long, but when they see that i'm falling, they kept their distance. i have all the obvious ups and downs in life. i know when i'm in the ups and when i'm all the way down. now, i'm down. new people appear in my life during this part of my life, one or two at least. most of those from my good times went by, fade away, drift more and more in distance. but one, stayed. not because he's have that title, but because he's a friend, a true friend. he stayed all the way through. he held my hand all the way. he's he. he's the one.

I Love You.

Always...

-Love-

Mr. Love

2008-10-24T08:35:00.003+08:00

my Mr. Love.. miss him loads :( and he's there having fun with someone else's tits. =_="
wish i was there too.. sigh

Chicken soup.. i took this when i was 'there'. now i'm strong ;)

2008-10-24T08:19:00.002+08:00

When an emotional injury takes place,
the body begins a process
as natural as the healing
of a physical wound.

Let the process happen.
Trust that nature
will do the healing.

Know that the pain will pass,
and, when it passes,
you will be stronger,
happier; more sensitive and aware.

Mel Colgrove
from How to Survive the Loss of a Love

Akibat curi2 rokok

2008-10-23T01:06:00.003+08:00

Since there's no other interesting 'whatever' happening in my life lately, this one tops the most interesting moments for the last 2 months of my life. hahaha!

So, kids.. don't curi2 smoke when your parents are at home. although you know that they were sleeping, the slightest sound around can make you run like a frighten mouse. hahahahaha!

Lesson learn: stop smoking, if you haven't start, don't. it can hurt you then slowly kills you. ;)

(i'm stopping. just not yet. shut up!)

Is it Love, Mr. Right?

2008-10-21T00:26:00.002+08:00

i read a note-post in my facebook by a friend of mine. She said that, if your other half have all this...

" is it easy to be together?

do you have good physical chemistry?

do you have fun together?

do you feel safe with him, knowing that he won't lie, hurt you, humiliate or abandon you?

and do you respect him as he is right now (and does he in turn respect you)?"

(which she quoted from Mira Kirshenbaum, author of "Is He Mr Right?"), then he's Mr. Right. reading that it really made me think bout, of course, my Mr. Love.

is it easy to be together? - if easy, as in it's easy to be with or see each other any time of the day, whenever we want to, then it's not. to fly that 3 hours flight across the South China Sea to him is not, and i repeat, NOT CHEAP! but as far as the relationship goes, other than being apart it ain't that hard compared to my other Mr. I-thought-was-Mr-Right. then again, it's not easy to be together.. :(

do you have good physical chemistry? - YES (no elaboration needed) ;p

do you have fun together? - yes yes yes and yes.. that's how we fell for each other. ;)

do you feel safe with him, knowing that he won't lie, hurt you, humiliate or abandon you? - now this, was the question that made me stop a while and think back through all those unpleasant moments we had. but, being in a relationship you have to be fair and one thing for sure is that my Mr. Love and i believe that fairness can solve everything. easy.. before doing or say anything, put yourself in your partner's shoes. if upon doing that you surely won't get hurt, then, if you partner end up, one day, doing or saying that thing, you have no rights whatsoever, to get mad or say, "i'm hurt.." and give that face. fair right? but being the naturally emotional creature on earth, no matter how you think you won't get hurt with what you're about to do, eventually when they were the one doing it, you or rather us girls will surely crush. how can we know he won't lie? or hurt us? of course not humiliate us la, if that's so you'd be stupid to be drooling over that guy who actually have the heart to humiliate his own girlfriend. and abandon you? how to be sure? i think i have to come up with a contract or make him actually swear that he'll make me feel safe, won't lie or hurt me and even won't humiliate or abandon me. ;p will it be fair? then i'll have to do the same. sigh.. i have no answer to this one. :(

and do you respect him as he is right now (and does he in turn respect you)? - yes and yes. ;)

if, says the author, any one of the above point is missing, then he's not Mr Right.

so.. ??

Oh what a long day..

2008-10-20T00:52:00.004+08:00

it was a slow day today. sunday. i can't get any sleep till 4pm this evening. i tried sleeping just before church, around 7-ish am but i ended up finishing the last round of Blockbreaker on my mobbie.. and bout just before 9am, my family and i were heading for the church. it was an hour or so and i was really really looking forward to the comfort of my bed and the cool wind from the fan directly to my body when mummy broke the news.

''Father's coming over for family blessing."

here's how i see it.. good: yeay blessing for me too since i'm still waiting for a reply from company P, bad: there goes my bedtime. oh....!!! so then, of course Evan have that 'look' on her face but Rev Fr Peter Hwang came over and chat a little showed off some of his pictures during his priestly ordination, then.. the blessing. i can't really catch his words during the blessing (you just hardly hear what they're mumbling about during blessings anyway) but i heard 'job'. hahaha! yes yes.. and that goes to this;

i got a call from company S. ;)

but.....................................

company S: Are you sponsored by company P?
me: Yea.. but..
company S: Ooo.. it's hard you know. how many years are you bonded with them? do you have to pay them back? are they gonna call you??
me: Ha? er.. 10 years and..
company S: Waaa! 10 years ah.. aiyo. course my company is doing .... (yada yada yada.. she went on for about 10 minutes explaining what her company is doing, what the job's about lalala)
me: Oo.. interesting lah.. but that's why la, i can't give you any confirmation yet since i am still suppose to be looking forward to their call. but what if..
company S: (she just won't give that chance!) Like this like this.. this is a specialist job so if possible i want you to come for the interview and join my company (waaa her company.. the manager herself call me meh??) but you need a black and white from company P to make sure they can release you first. if can then i'll call you in for the interview. where are you now?
me: Marudi
company S: ha?
me: Sarawak.
company S: Ooo.. so can you confirm with company P?

then... i had my time explaining how i was suppose to wait till 6 month then i'm entitle to get out of the bond with, of course, some agreement or something like that la. i'm yet to read that bundle of contract. but finally she said it so nicely, better than i could ever thought, "Please let me know right after you get any news about the release from company P then i'll arrange something and you can come to the interview anytime..."

owww... now at lease i feel like my market naik sikit. hahaha! ;p

but, yeah. after i hang up it was back to reality. sure got something ni.. specialist, high end telecommunication contracts, tension lines.. pay? stress work level? oh..~! it left me thinking there for a while, not knowing what to do next or what to think. at that moment, mummy's text came in to pick her and Rev Fr at one of the church member's house.

on the way back from that i told mummy.

"But how if company P call? aiyaa... just wait la.."

...

"Later you work you no time to rest. dno la. just wait la. until company P call. they sure call one.."

...

Reach home. still speechless. i have no money, no options, nothing to do at home besides eat sleep and shit. back to nothing. i went up, looked at my unpacked beg. sigh.. maybe it's time to unpack my stuff after 2 months, with no new or any signs that i'm flying anywhere. it's about time. so i spent the next 2 hours emptying my closet and packing all the old-unwanted-dirty-dried-up-but-still-can-use clothes (which were mine of course and to be donated to the kampungs up river), and arranged mine in. it was 4pm.

Exhausted and nothing else to do, i glance into the mirror and saw a panda. went to shower, wrapped my hair with the towel and grabbed the latest book i'm reading 'The Secret', and head to my parents room. it's cooler there. ;p

I don't think i even finished a page when i was already dreaming bout.. wait.. i can't remember. anyway, by the time i woke up it was already 10pm and yeah, Evan was there with that look again telling me Amai's outside sleeping. I don't know why but my friends would have just bumped in and cuddled in the other side of the bed. my dad? hmm... guess we ain't that close.

I went back to my room, trying to continue sleeping but my tummy was already singing some punk-rock tunes. by this time, there's nothing on the kitchen table so the only option was to eat out. too lazy to take a shower (it was freakin' cold), my sisters and i went out and tapau food. drove back, eat and watch some tv while waiting for Evan finish using the pc.

then now, here i am, and it's only 12 midnight. can a day go any slower than this???

thank you if you read this. oh what a long boring day, don't you think?

Pusuk depression

2008-10-19T00:12:00.003+08:00

I slept at 11am
woke up at 7pm
sat in front of the telly for a while
thinking bout that stupid ending of Dancing Days
how stupid? they went of on a Honda kapchai at the age of..
I don't know, old.
with nothing to do, i went down
took the pusuk container
clean every one of them, taking their head off
my mind was empty.
it went on for an hour plus
dah habis.. now what?
i took a bath and came online.
now i'm hungry. sigh..
boring..

p/s: pusuk is ikan bilis in Sarawak language. just fyi.

The tiniest of life

2008-10-17T04:23:00.002+08:00

Just some shots I'd love to share..

Updates from time to time

A day in Bario

2008-10-17T03:23:00.003+08:00

Briefly.. Bario. Went there for just a day a night, just to keep my mum company. She was there for a work trip. It ain't that fun but my God, Bario did took my breath away. It's just sad that I didn't have the chance to see more of it, but for a day trip, I guess it was OK. Surely, definitely, going again the second time.

This was our ride / flight. ;p
MasWings.
It's the same kinda plane we use flying from Marudi to Miri then Miri to Bario. There wasn't any flight going straight from Marudi to Bario that day, so, yea we too that one. Don't ever try to walk back and forth in the plane while it's in the air. You get all bouncy and really, just can't hold your balance. I did look a lil like a fool doing that just to take this following shot! darn!

This was actually took on the flight back to Marudi. Same thing.. Tomato tomato..

So, there, since my mum's giving a talk on how to score in Maths for the PMR students there, we got the first class stay. Yep yep! See, this is the room.

So nice and cozy.. Air-cond not included. But seriously, who needs them. Unless you wanna end up dead with hypothermia (or something like that - I know I heard it once in Grey's Anatomy!) then go ahead.

We arrived Bario at around 2pm I think. Our flight from Marudi was delayed cause of the weather. It was too windy and cloudy or something like that. Anyway.. upon arrival, one of my mum's friend came with a motorcycle, which obviously we 3 can't get on so she arranged a 4WD to take us to the school. On the way.. check out some of the views.

Look at those blue skies. Ohh! It was a lil muddy. Baru lepas hujan. But the good thing was, it wasn't that cold. Oh and of cause, with such cool weather, the grass were greener and the flowers were colorful! Check out the school..

There's more but it's too colorful, hence too large. Haha! No lah.. I'll upload more later. The internet connection is kinda slow tonight. Oh oh.. and that last picture there, was taken in front of the little cottage (teachers' quarters ;p) where we stayed in.

That night we had a few drinks, the teachers organized a mini-BBQ for my mum, chats.. then at about 3am I think, we called it a night. It was too cold to be staying awake.

That morning, we had to rush to the airport for the 9am flight. There wasn't enough time to walk around or go to the beautiful lalang hill behind out place cause it took me ages to brush my teeth. The water was freezing cold so I had to boil some to.. you know, do my stuff.

On the way, we had the famous bubur bario and coffee for breakfast before taking the bumpy ride on 2 motorcycles to the airport. My 'driver' was a 15 year old boy and he's really good at riding that bike on the muddy lane with me occasionally screamed 'look out!' or just a blank short one whenever I get mud on my jeans from the splash. Of cause he just grinned. Cis cis cis! Oh, and I so so so pity my pinkly (my a-day-old pair of pink slipper I bought just before the flight ;p). And so, the journey ends. But though it was a short one, it was enough to make me want more. I definitely am going back to Bario and experience more..

I will..

Hmm.. I wonder when. Sigh..

The Secret - Ashley Hay

2008-10-15T19:50:00.002+08:00

'The sun may shine upon a bit of broken glass till it glitters like a diamond,
but then if you take it up,
you will only cut your fingers.'
Lady Caroline Lamb

Life

2008-10-14T23:57:00.001+08:00

''they say we leave this world just the way we came into it.. naked and alone.
so if we do leave with nothing, what then, is the measure of a life?
is it define by the people we choose to love?
or is life simply the measure of our accomplishments?
and what is we failed? or never truly loved?
what then?
can we ever measure up?.." - One Tree Hill 605

it's annoying when..

2008-10-14T23:51:00.002+08:00

every time u go online there's this one bastard pm u right away and say 'hi.. how r u? free to chat?'. every single time u go online in a day, even when u just got dc for a minute. freak! (of coz this applies to those yg u baru kenal or just added in ym. yeah.. first few days they were nice and say 'i just wanna be your friend' or 'i got ur id from ___ (someone really close to u that u would think that ur-that-friend would give ur id to a freak)'. u know what i mean??!!)

ugly-money-less guys on motorcycles start 'ciut-cuiting' and saying stuffs like 'aiee.. sombongnye. apa nama? cik adik cantik.. boleh berkenalan..?'. why ain't there guys in suits in their bmws' goin around doing that???

my bf insist me on watching thriller movies when clearly i can't. no, i don't want!!! :(

i kill one mosquito then 4 more came buzzing around my ears. oh, and when they bite my tapak kaki. urgh!

it's too quiet.

small children cry wanting something in the middle of everyone in a mall. very.. annoying..

adults trying to be cute with kids. it really just make u look stupid u know, goin ba! ba!. arse..

i wake up hungry yet b4 bed i ate 2 bungkus nasi lemak. where did it all go???!!

after i say something and ppl ask 'why?' over and over again. i did that.. when i was 2. i'm not 2 anymore and so r u.

ppl ask me where i'm going.. and with who.. and doing what.. and...

*to be updated from time to time.. ;)
*taken from my facebook. let's see what kinda hits we get here!

layout edited!

2008-10-14T02:51:00.003+08:00

dah..
penat..
pening..
mata juling..

Thanks for the idea

2008-10-13T20:27:00.001+08:00

nyiah..
and i'm on blogspot.com

call me adelinervity coz that's 2/3rd of my full name. yep yep..
i'm 23 and jobless (for now..) and this will keep me busy.
born and brought up in Marudi, Sarawak.

thanks to Mr. Bon Bon on my facebook, i declare this blog..

officially open! ;p

(he just got tired of my notes on facebook ;p)